Week 3 Day 4: Understanding How We Think

Many psychologist have spent years trying to figure out, just how do we think. There are many different types of thoughts, but one thought of school stood out to me this week while we were speaking of awareness and that is cognitive psychology. (makes sense doesn't it ?? LOL) Cognitive Therapy states that if we think something often enough, we begin to truly believe it is true and our feelings will match what we are thinking about ourselves. Sounds a lot like what we have been talking about huh? As I was researching this I came across and awesome article that really summed up what I wanted to convey, I will share with you, what I got from that article. (The article is "You are what you think" by Nancy Schimelpfening. Written 9/27/2007 if you wanted to reference the article)

Do you ever wonder if someone is depressed because of their life or because of their thoughts? As you are becoming aware of your own thought patterns, have you began to notice the constant chatter that goes in your head? Have you began to notice that what you think about all day finds ways of presenting itself to you throughout your universe? Have you began to notice that what we experience in life is a direct result of our habitual thoughts, and if those habitual thoughts are negative, is it any surprise there are depressed people out there? Our feelings follow our thinking , so if we think negative thoughts we will more than likely become depressed. If we worry all the time we will become anxious. If we never believe in ourselves and always say we can't we won't be able to. We can change the way we feel by changing the way we think.

In Cognitive Therapy there are 10 common cognitive distortions - faulty thought patterns - that send us into depression, feeling un happy and unfulfilled. Look over these and take notice if you have a tendency to think in any of these ways. Here I have copied and pasted and shared the rest of the article with you. It is amazing to read these 10 distortions and go, "wow" I do that. It is even more amazing when the next time a situation comes up and you notice you are about to think a certain way, you catch it and realize you have a choice and chose to think differently. That is where the power comes in!

• All-or-Nothing Thinking: John recently applied for a promotion in his firm. The job went to another employee with more experience. John wanted this job badly and now feels that he will never be promoted. He feels that he is a total failure in his career.
• Overgeneralization: Linda is lonely and often spends most of her time at home. Her friends sometimes ask her to come out for dinner and meet new people. Linda feels that that is it useless to try to meet people. No one really could like her. People are all mean and superficial anyway.
• Mental Filter: Mary is having a bad day. As she drives home, a kind gentleman waves her to go ahead of him as she merges into traffic. Later in her trip, another driver cuts her off. She grumbles to herself that there are nothing but rude and insensitive people in her city.
• Disqualifying the Positive: Rhonda just had her portrait made. Her friend tells her how beautiful she looks. Rhonda brushes aside the compliment by saying that the photographer must have touched up the picture. She never looks that good in real life, she thinks.
• Jumping to Conclusions: Chuck is waiting for his date at a restaurant. She's now 20 minutes late. Chuck laments to himself that he must have done something wrong and now she has stood him up. Meanwhile, across town, his date is stuck in traffic.
• Magnification and Minimization: Scott is playing football. He bungles a play that he's been practicing for weeks. He later scores the winning touchdown. His teammates compliment him. He tells them he should have played better; the touchdown was just dumb luck.
• Emotional Reasoning: Laura looks around her untidy house and feels overwhelmed by the prospect of cleaning. She feels that it's hopeless to even try to clean.
• Should Statements: David is sitting in his doctor's waiting room. His doctor is running late. David sits stewing, thinking, "With how much I'm paying him, he should be on time. He ought to have more consideration." He ends up feeling bitter and resentful.
• Labeling and Mislabeling: Donna just cheated on her diet. I'm a fat, lazy pig, she thinks.
• Personalization: Jean's son is doing poorly in school. She feels that she must be a bad mother. She feels that it's all her fault that he isn't studying.

If you recognize any of these behaviors in yourself, then you're halfway there. Here's a homework assignment for you: Over the next few weeks, monitor the self-defeating ways in which you respond to situations. Practice recognizing your automatic responses. Now, we will take each of the above cognitive distortions and discuss some powerful coping strategies that will help you dispel the blues before they even start.

All-or-Nothing Thinking:
John recently applied for a promotion in his firm. The job went to another employee with more experience. John wanted this job very badly and now feels that he will never be promoted. He feels that he is a total failure in his career.

This type of thinking is characterized by absolute terms like always, never, and forever. Few situations are ever this absolute. There are generally gray areas. Eliminate these absolute terms from your vocabulary except for the cases where they truly apply. Look for a more accurate description of the situation. Here's an example of self-talk that John could have used to cope with not getting that promotion:

I wanted this job a lot, but it went to someone with more experience. This is disappointing to me, but it doesn't mean I'm not a good employee. Other opportunities will be available in the future. I'll keep working on my skills so that I'll be ready for them when they arrive. This one setback does not mean my career is over. Overall, I have excelled in my work.

Overgeneralization:
Linda is lonely and often spends most of her time at home. Her friends sometimes ask her to come out for dinner and meet new people. Linda feels that that is it useless to try to meet people. No one really could like her. People are all mean and superficial anyway.

When one overgeneralizes, one takes an isolated case or cases and assumes that all others are the same. Are people really all mean and superficial and could never like her? What about her friends who are trying to get her to go out? Obviously she does have someone who cares about her. The next time you catch yourself overgeneralizing, remind yourself that even though a group of people may share something in common, they are also separate and unique individuals. No two people are exactly the same. There may be mean and superficial people in this world. There may even be people who dislike you. But, not every person will fit this description. By assuming that everyone doesn't like you, you are building a wall that will prevent you from having what you crave the most -- friendship.

Mental Filter:
Mary is having a bad day. As she drives home, another driver cuts her off. She grumbles to herself that there are nothing but rude and insensitive people in her town. Later, a kind gentleman waves her go ahead of him. She continues on her way still angry at how rude all the people in her city are.

When a person falls victim to mental filters they are mentally singling out only the bad events in their lives and overlooking the positive. Learn to look for that silver lining in every cloud. It's all about how you choose to let events effect you. Mary could have turned her whole day around if she had paid attention to that nice man who went out of his way to help her.

Disqualifying the Positive:
Rhonda just had her portrait made. Her friend tells her how beautiful she looks. Rhonda brushes aside the compliment by saying that the photographer must have touched up the picture. She says she never looks that good in real life.

We depressives are masters at taking the good in a situation and turning it into a negative. Part of this comes from a tendency to have low self-esteem. We feel like we just don't deserve it. How to turn this around is simple. The next time someone compliments you, resist the little voice inside that says you don't deserve it. Just say "thank you" and smile. The more you do this, the easier it will become.

Jumping to Conclusions:
Chuck is waiting for his date at a restaurant. She's now 20 minutes late. Chuck laments to himself that he must have done something wrong and now she has stood him up. Meanwhile, across town, his date is stuck in traffic.

Once again, we fall victim to our own insecurities. We expect the worst and begin preparing early for the disappointment. By the time we find out that all our fears were unfounded, we've worked ourselves into a frenzy and for what? Next time do this: Give the person the benefit of the doubt. You'll save yourself a lot of unnecessary worry. If your fears have some basis in reality, however, drop that person from your life like a hot potato.

Magnification and Minimization:
Scott is playing football. He bungles a play that he's been practicing for weeks. He later scores the winning touchdown. His teammates compliment him. He tells them he should have played better; the touchdown was just dumb luck.

Ever looked through a telescope from the wrong direction? Everything looks tinier than it really is. When you look through the other end, everything looks larger. People who fall into the magnification/minimization trap look at all their successes through the wrong end of the telescope and their failures through the other end.

What can you do to stay away from this error? Remember the old saying, "He can't see the forest for the trees?" When one mistake bogs us down, we forget to look at the overall picture. Step back and look at the forest now and then. Overall, Scott played a good game. So what if he made a mistake?

Emotional Reasoning:
Laura looks around her untidy house and feels overwhelmed by the prospect of cleaning. She feels that it's hopeless to even try to clean.

Laura has based her assessment of the situation on how it makes her feel not how it really is. It may make her feel bad to think of the large task ahead of her, but is it really hopeless? In reality, cleaning her house is a doable task. She just doesn't feel up to it. She has reached the conclusion that it is useless to try based on the fact that it overwhelms her.

When a situation feels overwhelming, try this: Break down the task down into smaller ones. Then prioritize what is most important to you. Now, do the first task on your list. Believe it or not, you will begin to feel better and ready for more. The important thing is to just do something towards your goal. No matter how small, it's a start and will break you out of feeling helpless.

Should Statements:
David is sitting in his doctor's waiting room. His doctor is running late. David sits stewing, thinking, "With how much I'm paying him, he should be on time. He ought to have more consideration." He ends up feeling bitter and resentful.

We all think things should be a certain way, but let's face it, they aren't. Concentrate on what you can change and if you can't change it, accept it as part of life and go on. Your mental health is more important than "the way things should be."

Labeling and Mislabeling:
Donna just cheated on her diet. I'm a fat, lazy pig she thinks.

What Donna has done is label herself as lazy and hopeless. She most likely will reason that since she can't lose weight, she may as well eat. She has now effectively trapped herself by living up to the label she placed on herself. When we label ourselves, we set ourselves up to become whatever that label entails. This can just as easily work to our advantage.

Here's what Donna could have done to make labeling work in her favor. She could have considered the fact that up until now she has been strong. She could then forgive herself for only being human and acknowledge that she has been working hard to lose weight and has been succeeding. This is a temporary setback that she can overcome. Overall, she is a strong person and has proven it by her successful weight loss. With this type of positive thinking, Donna will feel better and be back to work on her weight loss goals in no time.

Personalization:
Jean's son is doing poorly in school. She feels that she must be a bad mother. It's all her fault that he isn't studying.

Jean is taking all the responsibility for how her son is doing in school. She is failing to take into consideration that her son is an individual who is ultimately responsible for himself. She can do her best to guide him, but in the end he controls his actions. Next time you find yourself doing this, ask yourself, "Would I take credit if this person were doing something praiseworthy? Chances are you'd say, "No, he accomplished that by himself." So why blame yourself when he does something not-so praiseworthy? Beating yourself up is not going to change his behavior. Only he can do that.

The solutions I've presented here are some of the common situations we find ourselves in. Take these as examples and create your own positive solutions to your negative thoughts. Recognizing that you do it is the first step. Then play devil's advocate and challenge yourself to find the positive. Turn your thoughts around and your moods will follow suit. Remember, you are what you think!

Week 3 Day 3: You Are What You Think!

We often hear you are what you eat, which makes a lot of sense doesn't it? Well if you are what you eat, then you are also what you think. And more than likely what you think about yourself determines what you eat. So at the end of the day, you are what you think. Yesterday we talked about self awareness and how answering questions about ourselves can help us to better understand our thoughts, feelings, actions and reactions to our external and internal world. We will continue with this process and today talk about how these thoughts create either the life you want or don't want. As you become more aware of what you think you will be able to become more aware of when you have a choice to think differently about something.

Many of us go throughout our day acting and reacting to things and we are not even aware of what we are thinking about that causes us to react the way we do. We think negatively and experience negative things, call our friends complain about those negative things and then we wonder why our lives are they way they are. You can either create a life you want or a life you don't want based on your thoughts. If you are dwelling on bad stuff, it will find you more quickly and readily. The more negative we think the more negativity we generate.

The opposite is also true. The more positively we think the more positively we will experience life. Life is always a choice. We always have the option to chose suffering or learning, to choose anger or happiness, to choose to think positive or negative. Buddha said, "We think, we become." If you think you can you will, if you think you can't you won't. It truly is that simple.

We all have an inner dialogue that goes on and on all day long. Sometimes we are conscious of this dialogue and other times we are so disconnected we are completely unaware of what we are thinking. This inner dialogue is what creates either a positive or negative outlook on life. In doing research for this article I came across an adorable little story.

TINY FROGS:

There once was a bunch of tiny frogs ... who arranged a running competition. The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower. A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants...

The race began... No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower. You heard statements such as: "Oh, WAY too difficult!!" "They will NEVER make it to the top." The tiny frogs began collapsing. The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!" More tiny frogs got tired and gave up... ...But ONE continued higher and higher and higher... This one wouldn't give up! He was the only one who reached the top! All of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it? A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

It turned out that the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story:

· Never listen to other people's tendencies to be negative or pessimistic. They take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!

· Always think of the power words have. Everything you hear and read will affect your actions!

· BE POSITIVE! And above all, be DEAF when people tell you that you cannot fulfill your dreams! Always think: I can do this!

Start to take notice of your inner dialogue. Are you telling yourself you can't do something or are you allowing others to tell you, you can't do things? What thoughts are running you? Your thoughts become your words, your actions, your habits. "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is habit." Socrates. So then failure is also a habit, which can be reversed. We can reverse our habits, by reversing our thoughts.

You can change your attitude, your perception, your life by changing the way you think. To change your dialogue you must catch it in action, which means you have to be paying attention to yourself. The next time you start to feel angry, mad, bad or upset, don't start asking yourself who did this to you, don't try to point the finger at someone to blame, ask yourself, "what have I been thinking?" "What have I been telling myself?" You may notice that your thoughts are what is leading you to feel a certain way. We like to blame others, but we always have control over our own emotions. When people say things that are hurtful, we must stop and ask ourselves why we believe what they say, unless this is something we are telling ourselves. We always have a choice! We can choose to not let someone else's words hurt us or effect us. We don't have to make a mountain out of a mole hill. We can stay calm in the face of crazy if we chose to, if we chose to think positively, if we choose to stay present. Our thoughts are a choice, what do you chose?

One way to overcome negative thinking is to use positive affirmations. I love to do this. Actually all around my desk I have quotes and poems that remind me to think positively. I have a vision board of what I want out of life. I had noticed that for me, I was more ungrateful for what I didn't have, instead of being grateful for what I did have. We must start focusing on what we want out of life, not what we don't want, on what we can do, not what we can't do, on what we are good at, not what we are bad at. When we work on our positive qualities we create positive habits and old, negative qualities and habits will fall away. Always focus on the positive. There really is good in every situation, even if you can't see it in that moment; trust that is what is meant to be, will be and you will find the worry and negativity will slip away more and more each day.

Daily Affirmation Challenge: Over the next week each day pick an affirmation, write it down and put it in several different places. You can pick as many affirmations as you want really, but what I want you to do is to tell yourself this affirmation at least 20 times a day. Keep a record of it somewhere. Notice that as you fill your head with positive thoughts you begin to experience a more positive life! You can wash out the old, by bringing in the new. Like a dirty glass of water, it does not need to be emptied and washed to be clean, just fill it up with clean water and eventually the clean water will clear out the old naturally!

Positive Daily Affirmations for Abundance

1. All the things I want and need come to me.

2. I always receive more than what I need.

3. I have a bank account with more than enough.

4. I am an abundant person.

5. I create abundance in all that I say and do.

6. I accept abundance.

7. I welcome, and am open to receive all abundance that comes.

8. I draw abundance to myself today and every day.

Success Affirmations

I am Successful

Positive Daily Affirmations For Success

Examples of positive daily affirmations for success include:

1. I am successful.

2. Everything I do turns into success.

3. I am filled with success.

4. Success comes effortlessly to my direction.

5. My success is contagious, other people like it, seek it and respect it.

6. I attract positive-minded people to me; I draw all things positive to myself.

7. I am very fortunate to work at what I love to do.

8. I make powerful and enjoyable business relationships and many of my business contacts are now my friends.

Relationship Affirmations

I have happy relationships.

Positive Daily Affirmations For Relationships

Examples of positive daily affirmations for relationships include:

1. I am a confident and positive person, and confident and positive persons gravitate toward me everyday.

2. I know who I obviously am and what I like in personal relationships.

3. I am attracting powerfully positive and healthy people into my life.

4. I am caring, smart, supportive, loyal, and fun to be with.

5. I feel completely at ease and comfortable with all types of people.

6. I am winning in all my relationships.

7. I am a positive and valuable contributor to my relationships.

8. I possess complete ability to articulate my thoughts and feelings to everyone, and I express myself wisely.

Self Esteem Affirmations

Positive Daily Affirmations For Self Esteem

Examples of positive daily affirmations for self esteem include:

1. I am sure of my ability to do what is necessary to improve my life.

2. If I make mistakes, I am able to give myself the benefit of the doubt.

3. I feel basically worthy as a person.

4. I am able to take risks and try new things without fear.

5. I feel good about the way I do my job.

6. I feel about myself pretty much what others think of me.

7. I have compassion for myself and the way my life has developed.

8. I am deserving of all the good things in my life.

Health Affirmations

1. I am healthy

2. I am strong

3. I am whole, perfect and complete.

Positive Daily Affirmations For Health

Examples of positive daily affirmations for health include:

1. I am glowing with health and wholeness.

2. I behave in ways that promote my health more every day.

3. I deserve to be in perfect health.

4. I am highly motivated to exercise my body because I find exercise as fun.

5. I love nutritious healthy food, and I enjoy eating fresh fruits and vegetables.

6. I am healthy since my practices are healthy.

7. I let go of the past so I can create health now.

8. I create health by expressing love, understanding and compassion.

Week 2 Day 5: Self Acceptance and Exercise

As I have mentioned all week long, acceptance is an ongoing process and we are constantly tested time and time again. The key to acceptance is to allow this moment to be a stepping stone into the next. Don't let this moment define you for an eternity, allow it to be a part of the ever changing flow, which we call life. When we truly find acceptance we find what we need so that we can move onto the next chapter in our lives.

Exercise is a great way to practice self acceptance, acceptance of others, and acceptance of where you are at in life. I am a runner. I have been running since I was in eighth grade and am now twenty eight, you would think after sixteen years of running it would be something I have down pat. But those of you who run know that is not the case. Take a month off of running and it will take 2 months to get back to where you were! Running is one of those skills if you don't use it, you lose it. It takes work to keep your running skills up to par. Running is a great place for me to practice acceptance.

The other day I went for a run and it was awful. I wanted to try to add an extra mile and half to my run and just knowing that added some mental stress. The humidity was really thick, I was having a hard time breathing, the heat was getting to me and I just couldn't find a rhythm. I was totally in my mind and my mind was totally telling me I couldn't do it. Now, I know this isn't true, and I realized at this moment I had a choice. I know my body is strong and can handle the run, I know my mind is strong and my soul is stronger, so I know if I wanted to I could of pushed myself , been miserable and eventually I would of finished the run. But then I thought about all this self acceptance stuff and I realized that, that day I wasn't physically prepared to run a longer distance and I had to accept that I was only going to get in my normal distance. I realized that the point wasn't how far I ran, it was to feel good about what I accomplished, not feel bad for what I did not accomplish. So I cut the run short and turned around and headed home. I accepted that on that day I was not going to run the longest run ever, and I was ok with that because I felt good about getting a run in at all. And that is the point, to do things that bring you joy, to find the things that make you feel whole.

Accepting yourself is accepting yourself in this moment for who you are. Each moment leads into the next, and the next moment wouldn't seem so great without this moment first. Accept where you are, in this moment, with an open mind to learn and a willingness to grow and you will always be where you want to be! Exercise can help you with self acceptance as you learn new moves and new techniques, they may seem uncomfortable at first, but you accept where you are at knowing you still have time to learn. And as you keep practicing you begin to notice how good you get at it, but you could never be good if you never practiced! So in everything that you do be gentle with yourself, don't judge others harshly, and accept each moment as is, because no moment will ever be the exact same!